oo many wonderful S-words! It's really difficult to chose one ... but then I've stumbled over Rachael's Crusader Challenge - just perfect for the S-day!THE CHALLENGE
In 300 words or less, write a passage (it can be an excerpt from your WIP, flash fiction, a poem, or any other writing) that shows (rather than tells) the following:- you're scared and hungry
- it's dusk
- you think someone is following you
- and just for fun, see if you can involve all five senses AND include these random words: shimmer, saccadic, substance and salt.
MY OUTCOME
My stomach rumbled. It's been a while since I've eaten something. That was the law of the warriors, the clan's always first. Today I've hunted for those who weren't able anymore. My own needs had to wait. Unfortunately fresh bait was rare during the days of the empty leaves. The whole clan was starving. We've already lost a member. Who's going to be next? Another elder like Silvercoat? Maybe one of the kittens? Sure, we've tried to provide the Queens as good as we could, without their milk the next generation of warriors would be lost. The whole clan would be lost! What if this cold continues? What if ... No! I don't want to finish that. I would rather die than lose my beloved Sandcloud! I banned this scary thoughts out of my head!In the meantime, the night slowly vanished, in the dusk between the treetops the first morning shimmers send some new hope in my heart. I knew there was fresh bait out there. I just had to find it!
Slowly I forced my way through the chest high snow. I felt the cold under my paws and despite the shelter of the trees the wind brushed heavy on my fur. My ears twitched, was there something behind me? I turned, but the only thing I could see were the soft movements of empty branches. I raised my nose and opened my mouth for a better sniff. But the wind came from the wrong direction, there was only the nasty stench of the biped's road and that strange winter substance called salt.
Maybe I should try my luck down at the small watercourse, every animal needs to drink. The taste of some fresh water would animate my spirits, too. With saccadic jumps I continued my way.
Wow, that was close: 299 words! =^..^=
I LOVED this! I adore stories written from the point of view of an animal. I'm guessing it's a wolf, but when I first started reading 'big cat' screamed at me, but then Silvercoat threw me as I don't know any silver-coated cats--clouded leopards maybe? But they don't live in clans?
ReplyDeleteI love the phrase "days of the empty leaves". How poetic yet simple!
@J.C. Martin: Well, it supposed to be simple wild cats, you know, the size of normal house cats, but only living wild. The names should relate to the color of their fur or their character - but there wasn't enough space to explain that! :-)
ReplyDeleteGreat job! I totally loved that this was from the perspective of an animal.
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed this! Are you going to keep going and make it into a proper story? Maybe even . . . a serial? :-)
ReplyDeleteGood job for getting in under 300 words! Second one I've read from an animal's point of view.
ReplyDeleteI was guessing a wolf, but that's the only other animal pov I'm used to. I love that you chose a different type of animal pov. (Mine didn't make the 300 mark....) christy
ReplyDeleteI love the perspective on this! Well done. :)
ReplyDeleteZowie! I love the POV here! What a take on the challenge. This is hooking my interest. Is there more of this story?
ReplyDeleteGreat job. The POV is really cool. I look forward to reading more on your blog and following you.
ReplyDeleteCute! I like the alternative story line :O)
ReplyDeleteA fresh take! "Days of the empty leaves", I like that, very evocative. Well done.
ReplyDeleteAwesome! I loved that it was from the POV of a colony of cats. Good job!
ReplyDeleteThank you all for your wonderful comments! *big-cheshire-cat-smiles*
ReplyDeleteBut I guess, now it's time to confess: frankly speaking, the serial already exists! And I've freely borrowed the idea for writing that little scene! *blushing*
It's called "Warrior Cats" by Erin Hunter. I'm a huge fan of the first series with 6 books, starting with 'Into The Wild'. I've just finished rereading it, so it was freshly on my mind while thinking over the crusade. I only changed perspective and names. That series is wonderful to read, very thrilling with great characters. If you should decide to read, I recommend a tissue box for book 6!!!
Take care & a dediCATed weekend.
Karin
Hi Nofreti,
ReplyDeleteThanks for visiting my blog.
After reading yours, Brrrr. I have chills. And I love the cat viewpoint.
Isn't this fun?
http://lyndseyrosedavis.weebly.com
Well Lyndsey, I guess, I simply have to write some more short stories about cats! =^..^=
ReplyDeleteI loved this animal perspective. It was a nice touch.
ReplyDeletetotally caught as it was from an animals perspective! Nicely done!! I thought Wolf too, but that could be because my son is obsessed with them. And then you said kittens, so it had to be a type of cat!
ReplyDeleteLove it.
a little tip from a fellow writer: Lose the "In the meantime" it loses the pace of the story, and the line works fine without it!
ReplyDelete:)
Well done, great POV and a very engaging piece of writing!
ReplyDeleteHugs,
Rach
@Kerrin: Thanks for the tip! I guess, you're right, even in German I would better deal without those three words!
ReplyDelete@everybody: Thanks a lot, that you've liked my little scene so much! :-)
Love seeing a pov that's not human. Very evocative!
ReplyDeleteI love the POV of the character here--I'm guessing it's a cat, since you mentioned kittens. :)
ReplyDeleteYeah, it's a cat ... look above at my comment No. 14! I simply love cats ... all sizes of cats! =^..^=
ReplyDelete