A-Z, P For Pain.

Choosing between numbness and a good emotion is easy. But what if the choice is between the well-known, familiar and above all secure numbness, feeling nothing in the foggy darkness and an unknown emotion, that makes you cry, that gives you nothing but psychical pain? In the last couple of days I made the strange experience that my heart would prefer the loneliness, prefers feeling nothing instead of the pain, even when my mind says that's ridiculous! To make the long story short: I needed...

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O For Omnipotence.

My dear friend from Malaysia and I play at the end of every email the 5 Questions Game. You are allowed to ask 5 questions, but have also to answer them. We're playing quite a long time now and reached the status of really interesting questions. This time I asked among others: "If you had the chance to ask God one question - what would it be and why?" Frankly speaking I don't care much about this overall discussions "Why are we here?" or "What is the sense of life?". For those I dare to say...

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A-Z, N For Necessities.

Well, I daresay it's not the first time (nor the last) I let myself influence by some music ... when I thought of suitable N-words, suddenly Baloo's Bare Necessities (form Dschungle Book) popped in my head: Look for the bare necessities The simple bare necessities Forget about your worries and your strife I mean the bare necessities Old Mother Nature's recipes That brings the bare necessities of life Necessities in the normal world: In J for Joker I reported from my life here in the...

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A-Z, M For Masquerade.

First I thought K, L and M would become a theme-trio, but I'm thinking brain and heart do well enough with K for Knight and L for Lost, even when Masquerade is more or less a consequence of both of them. We all play different roles in our lifes. I am ... a daughter, a friend (maybe even a foe, at least a competitor), a private person, a business woman, a writer/Art Journaler/blogger ... and currently a patient. My most contradictive rolesa are at the moment my business me and my patient me. Let's...

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A-Z, L For Lost.

'Cause you are not alone I'm always there with you  And we'll get lost together  'Til the light comes pouring through  'Cause when you feel like you're done  And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost  When your world's crashing down And you can't bear the thought  I said, babe, you're not lost  From 'Lost' by Michael Buble After 'Something Beautiful' by Robbie Williams and 'Help' by The Beatles for Art Journaling pages this is now the third...

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A-Z, K For Knight.

First I voted for 'Knowledge', which would have also suited. But I wasn't really satisfied with it. Above all, I had it already used in our February Journaling Challenge. And then this little word came so perfectly! Remember in I for Individuum - Community I mentioned that a Rorschach test was made with me. And in one of the last pictures I saw a knight - or better said a Samurai in his armor. I asked the therapist, if I could have a copy of the picture (plus a second one, which also meant...

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A-Z, J For Joker.

Besides a few other good J-words I decided to use the joker today in order to tell you a little of the facility I currently am. The clinic is located in the south-east of Germany, about a 40 min freeway drive away from my home. To airport Munich you'd need another hour freeway drive. I've added you a Google Map picture of the clinic's location. As you can see on this map the clinic is rather big. It contains Psychiatry, Psychotheraphy, Forensic Psychiatry, Neurology and Neurological Early...

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A-Z, I For Individuum - Community.

Well, where should I start ... what should I say without repeating myself ... what to say without beginning to chatter ... what to say at all? I have an idea in mind, but no line of thought. Maybe I give it some time to develop... A bit later now: I define myself as individuum with my very own, very unique, very special combination of strengths and weaknesses, talents and beliefs, interests and ... (good thought of my fellow patient) ... also looks. Frankly speaking, I blend out that last part...

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A-Z, H For Help.

'I solemly swear that I'm up to no good!' For little Karin the Weasley twins' motto would have also perfectly suited. The combination of a strong will, stubbornness and wild creativity lead me more than once into embarrassing and/or strange situations. To tame her little tomboy my mother gave some responsibility in my own little hands. For instance, when I was about 8 or 9 I insisted to stay up longer than usual in order to watch something on TV or to play longer outside. Finally my mother was...

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A-Z, G For Genes.

It's all in the genes, is that really so? Just finished 'Next' by Michael Crichton, an interesting book about gene-technology. It made me - with view of my current situation - curious to do a little Wikipedia research. Well, I know some cases of cancer and heart diseases in my family, so according to the gene-theory in my family history I could be at least predistinated for those ... but I haven't heard a single word about depressions. This either means there weren't any or they simply didn't...

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A-Z, F For Final Destination.

When making this A-Z list I jotted down 'Final Destination' in the original sense of the movie series. It simply suited too well in my Apocalypse theme. And currently? No! I hadn't had a vision of upcoming exploding airplanes, car crashes or any other disastrous events. With the consequence that Death isn't waiting for me with his macabre plan to catch me. I won't deny when you're living on the dark side of your life that death is more of a present topic then before ... but like I assured you...

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