Thursday, May 31, 2012

Genuine Inspiration - A Rush Of Writing.

It's strange in those weird days, somehow my mind seems kind of overproductive. Currently I work on various projects:
  1. A-Z Apocalypse. 
  2. Dream Diary. 
  3. My novel 'Neighborhood Cats: The Secret of the Moonstone'. 
  4. ArtJournaling incl. WTJ. 
  5. Writing letters to my dearest friends.
Actually you can add a No. 6 with extra blogposts like this one here!

This time I want to report about a phenomenon I experienced with No. 3 of my list. Last weekend I finished the prologue, how everything in the year 1346 had started. Well, I've heard other authors saying about this, but this was my first own experience.

Quite early I knew how the scene should be, but when I actually wrote it, something strange happened: Suddenly I felt no longer as the person, who just is inventing the story, instead I felt like really being there, like a silent observer reporting about the events. There were suddenly details and actions I've never had thought of before! It was sooo strange! Like a rush. My biro couldn't write fast enough like the scene revealed itself. I was drawn back in time, down into that chamber. I felt shivery goosebumps. Simply amazing!

Just have to think on that quote from the movie 'Inception':
'Imagine your designing a building. You consciously create every aspect, but sometimes it feels like it's creating itself (...) Genuine inspiration!'

Does this mean to be an author?
If 'yes', wish me luck to continue this way! The more I can write the earlier I can start translating into English and the earlier you'll get the story as blog serial novel to read.

Biro Doodles For Creativity.

ArtJournaling Biro Doodles 1
ArtJournaling Biro Doodles 2
This is what I do when I need a little break while writing. A few minutes now and then and a biro ... in the end your first and your last concept book pages look like these:

Friday, May 18, 2012

A-Z, E For Eyes.

When I was done with that picture (08-2007) I named it 'Indian Ocean'. Don't ask why or what for I painted it the way it is - frankly speaking I don't know! But it's pretty obvious that I love the sea and I'm obsessed with eyes, am I not?

It's said 'Eyes are the Portal to your Soul.' I totally agree with that. I prefer literally to have an 'eye-to-eye' conversation because very often eyes can tell you so much more than just words or gestures.

Or in the other case the eyes don't say anything at all or your opposite isn't able to look in to your eyes. To make the long story short, I give a damn lot of eye contact!

But ... in my current constitution where your own soul is dark and your self confidence is below zero, you're simply not in the slightest able to search and keep eye contact. You feel so miserable and unworthy and just ashamed.

Believe me, I really miss it and you can be sure, I can't wait the day when my confidence is back for this little gesture to get in contact with people this way.

And I even want to go a step further. Some of you might know that I'm a huge admirer of the Indian actor Shah Rukh Khan. Among others he's famous for his passionate way of acting (some even say he's overacting). When he plays the lover fighting for his love he has this look. Sanjay LelaBansali (director of 'Devdas' among others) once said '...that Shah Rukh has deep lonely eyes craving for love.' For me it feels like his eyes can burn through the canvas right into my soul, it makes me shiver, it's simply magical.

What I want or wish - No! Not SRK himself! - is that one particular man, my personal lover, who fights for his love to me. That exactly this one man gives me and me alone this very special look. That his eyes burn into mine and his look can see my soul and loves what he can see there. That's what I'm wishing for!

Wednesday, May 16, 2012

A-Z, D For Daemon.


First of all, since reading (watching) the book 'Northern Lights' (AKA the movie 'The Golden Compass') by Philip Pullman I like the word 'daemon' and the way it's written. I like the imagination to see my inner spirit in form of an animal walking right next to my side. A friend and I had already discussed what kind of animal our own daemon would be. In my case - and I'm pretty sure about that - it would be a predatory feline, a black panther or an Indian tiger or a snow leopard maybe.

Anyway, I get a little sidetracked from my original thought to that particular catchword. But only a little, I still want to talk about inner forces, spirits or daemons.

A couple of years ago, during my NLP training (NLP = NeuroLinguistic Programming) we had a section where we tried to get in contact with some inner parts of ourselves and visualize them. To give you an example, I'd met my creativity in form of a flying, white Pegasus.

But I also made the acquaintance of a unique power within me, so very endlessly strong and powerful. This power manifested in the form of a dragon sleeping in its cave. (Do you still believe in coincidences when I say that my Chinese zodiac is a Fire Dragon?!?) Once awaken it wasn't clear if this power was good or simply disastrous. I really feared that it becomes something more like a Balrog (a creature from 'Lord of the Rings'), nothing but fire and ashes and darkness.

Then - somehow, don't ask how - I forgot the existence of that force, but that doesn't mean it had disappeared. Oh no, not at all!

In the meantime I tried several relaxing techniques and my absolute favorite became 'Chakra Chants', where you concentrate on your 7 energy centers within your body. One, the 3rd Chakra is located in the Solar Plexus. And every time I focused on this area it got really warm, almost hot.

First I had no explanation - remember I'd totally forgotten my inner dragon. Then I found another wonderful Chakra meditation and then like a revelation I remembered what I once knew when I heard those lines:

'From fire to water to earth. Here the divine spark of consciousness ignites the fires of our will to burn through resistance and vitalize the entire system. Pulsating flames of energy enlivens to awaken our power to burn with purpose, to strengthen our will. We keep the flames all its trials and tribulations as we burn through blocks into ever greater freedom and power. Let this fire burn itself out, that power must be tamed (...)' 
(from 'The Human Body Energy Centers)

To come to the point, it's still there, that inner daemon, my fire dragon. And I came to the conclusion that it's a positive energy, the counterpart to my dark side that currently accesses my brain and soul. Somehow, that's really good to know...

Monday, May 14, 2012

A-Z, C For Captivity.


Frankly speaking, I've never experienced true captivity in the meaning of imprisonment. And being grounded as a teenager can't hardly be counted herein, right folks?

Okay, I've seen a few documentaries but I won't neither discuss nor play down how harsh, cruel even violent life behind bars can be. I just dare to make a few simple statements:
  • It's always in the person's own responsibility to be punished, no matter what reason for.
  • The freedom is only a matter of time and/or a good lawyer and/or a clever prison break.
Besides that bodily imprisonment there's also another form, the captivity of your mind! So more dangerous and so more perfidious, because you literally can't see it coming.

There might be a cause, but most of the time you aren't able to be aware of it. Sometimes it even comes without any particular purpose. It comes slowly, it crawls, it creeps, it flatters you. It's patient, it waits for the right moment to enter your mind. Once there it hooks soo deeply like a virus or a parasite. From its well hidden corner it spreads its poison, let the darkness penetrate your mind and begins to darken your soul.

Again it works slowly, but effective, very effective. Almost without noticing the infected person begins slowly to change her habits, begins to avoid beloved activities and begins to hide from the world.

The desastrous effect, first the captivity begins in your mind, but then it's also your body that is captured. In the end you live in a prison, where you can't see the walls, where you can't see the bars, but they are there - in your captured mind!

Friday, May 11, 2012

A-Z, B For Bucket List.


It fills me with guilt to know that some of my friends were and still are worried - totally with justice. Shame on me!

But you know, even in my darkest hours there was always that little light ... no, not light! Light would be the wrong word. Too exaggeratedly! Let's better call it ... hmm, let me think ... I guess I like 'glimmer'. There was that glimmer of the wish to hope that maybe one day - and I don't know, when exactly this day might be - the light will have returned and the sun will shining again.

My personal glimmer is just one single word, but once spoken, it opens a door to a whole new world and reveals a million impressions: India! (Can you hear the echoes?)

When I think of that little word I can see the colors of Holi, I can smell the spices in the air, I can hear the cacophony of the crowds and the silent breathlessness in front of the impressive Taj Mahal. Besides the obvious greatness of India I'm also very interested in a few very small events, besides the usual tourists' paths: like watching DDLJ (or any other actual SRK movie) in a theater, buy my dream Sari in my favorite color blue and of course stand in front of 'Mannat', maybe with some luck seeing or even shaking hands with the King of Bollywood himself: Shah Rukh Khan.

A lot of big dreams, maybe a little too big for a little girl like me. But they are there, not only present, but so dominant to stand against the darkness and leave that little glimmer of hope. A reminder that this is No. 1 on my personal bucket list has the chance to come true. It just waits for me to grab it! That's a wonderful little thought that accompanies me through the darkness!

Tuesday, May 08, 2012

A-Z, A For Apocalypse.


21 December 2012 - due day for the apocalypse according to the Mayan Calendar. Very visually dynamic shown what could/should/would happen then in Roland Emmerich's movie '2012'.

But what if an apocalypse doesn't concern the whole mankind but only one single person - would the impact be more or less worse? And what if this one single person is yourself?

Some of you might have heard me saying 'Two Souls are beating in my Chest'. That's true, that's what I am. Actually even by birth. I'm born in March, my zodiac is Pisces - TWO fishes.

As long as I can think I've always seen both sides of the medal. Very often you can hear me argue with 'on the one hand ... on the other hand'. Sometimes I'm joking with saying 'I'm a split personality'.

Well, in general I'm a very positive, optimistic person. I see the glass half full - instead of half empty. Even in failures I can see the positive, the learning effect to avoid the same trap the next time. I mainly live on the sunny side of life. But to use another saying 'Where's sun there's also shadow.' Yes, deep inside my soul is also a very dark side. And sometimes this dark side becomes stronger. It's like a thick, untouchable, gray fog comes crawling over my soul and occupies my mind ... the darkness takes my life over.

I literally lose me, myself, my whole personality. You can imagine, when this happens that this is my worst case scenario ... my personal apocalypse!

Sunday, May 06, 2012

A-Z Blogging Challenge 2012.

First of all: Sorry for my being absent for quite a while without leaving a note. But now I'm back writing and emailing and blogging.

I know, I missed the regular time for the 'A-Z Blogging Challenge 2012', but I really do love this competition very much that I want to do it now. Better late than never, right?

When you do something for the first time, you can see it like an experiment, like trying a new tool or gadget. You can put it in your hands, see if it feels good and what you can use it for. When it works for you, it's fine. When it doesn't work for you, it's okay, too. No big deal. It was just an experiment.

But when you once finished something successfully - like I did with my 'A-Z Blogging Challenge 2011' - then you begin to think: Why not leave it at this one-time success? After all it was a lot of hard work! And when you fail this time it would look like nothing but beginners luck! Then you remember it was also a lot of fun. You learned a lot, too. So why not give it a second go?

Yes! Why not give it a second go! From the moment I saw the new 2012-badge I was thinking about this year's topic. The easiest would have been to continue with the writing theme, there were plenty of good words left on the list I've collected last year. But already back then I had the idea to write a continuing story. After a while my mind came up with the idea to use 26 people with A-Z names and let them tell a story from each single point of view. But the more I developed this particular story the more it developed in a different kind of direction. You don't have to be disappointed, you're going to read this story very soon. I've decided this story to become my upcoming new blog serial novel!

So, what else then? In the mood I was in I ended up with a very strange list, which I call my 'A-Z Apocalypse'. And I'm going to write a very personal column ... starting soon! Hope to see you there!

xoxo Karin