Monday, June 04, 2012

A-Z, I For Individuum - Community.

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Well, where should I start ... what should I say without repeating myself ... what to say without beginning to chatter ... what to say at all? I have an idea in mind, but no line of thought. Maybe I give it some time to develop...

A bit later now:
I define myself as individuum with my very own, very unique, very special combination of strengths and weaknesses, talents and beliefs, interests and ... (good thought of my fellow patient) ... also looks. Frankly speaking, I blend out that last part much too easily! And when I share some of these points with others, let's take this blogging thing here for example, then I'm becoming a part of a community.

But what if at some part in your life - or maybe even as long as you can think - you feel that you do not belong to any kind of group or community??? Well, that's what I do believe!

My career as a loner had already begun when I was a child. I was born as the first and only child of my parents plus we lived a little apart from other houses. So from very young age on I had to use my imagination for keeping me busy.

When school had begun and I learnt quite easily, I've very often been teachers' most favorite pet. Remember in H for Help I've told you the story of my early independence.

All those facts in combination made me - for sure an unique, special individuum - but also gave me that feeling that I didn't really fit in.

The older I grew the more seemed my decisions, interests, knowledge and beliefs differ from the so called normal, at least differ from my family's expectations (also see G for Genes).

An now I'm here in stationary treatment and - maybe unconsciously done - one of the therapists added to my self-fulfilling prophecy. When I arrived here, she (the therapist) let me make quite a few tests, e.g. given statements where I had to agree or disagree to and a Rorschach test. But when I asked some of my fellow patients nobody else had made those tests. Of course, my brain began immediately to work: Why had I to make those tests? What's the need for it? Am I so different that I need extra treatment? Etc.

On the day when a Computer Tomography was made (a standard treatment for everybody) my fears finally broke free. What if my brain is really different? What does it mean if not? It's so hard and difficult to describe how miserable I felt!!! Do I really belong to no one in this world???

In the following weekend I cooled down a little ... and to end with something positive: It seemed like I'm not the only person here, who thinks and feels this way. The talks from patient to patient do really help a lot. I'm not alone, at least I belong to this little group here!

And if I continue this thought in a positive manner: If there's one community I fit in, are there maybe any others out there???

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