A-Z, Epilogue.

In R for Reputation you've got familiar with the car metaphor what happens with our brain during the depression and in the meantime in altogether 26 letters you've got to read a lot about me, my emotions, my struggles, my thoughts, everything that concerns my life in depression. First and above all I've written those posts for myself. It's like my own documentation of my stay in the clinic and everything that was important for me. Second, I've written for my friends all over the world. The advantage...

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A-Z, Z for 3-2-1-Zero.

'Cos I've seen blue skies through the tears in my eyes and I realize  I'm going home.  From Rocky Horror Picture S...

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A-Z, Y for Yin Yang.

Hmm... in lack of any idea, what to write here with this wonderful catchword, let's better bring it to an end, what do you thin...

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A-Z, X for X-Files.

X-File Depression: Closed (for no...

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A-Z, W For Weapon.

First I thought about symptoms that could and did occur while depressions and other information, but that all was already wonderfully done in Wikipedia (->Depression). Frankly speaking that idea for this post didn't go well off hand. I couldn't find the right words - again, maybe now coming to an end, I'm simply out of words. That for I decided to just leave it at that. Period. Oh, maybe just one word to W for Weapon: Our most powerful weapon against prejudices and depression itself are...

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A-Z, V For Victory.

Veni, Vidi, Vici. - I came, I saw, I played some games and I won - well, sometimes. When you're feeling better - Thank God I do - you do almost everything for time to go by. Among others a spare time activity is playing games. I favor card games like 'Skip-Bo' and board games like 'Mensch Aergere Dich Nicht' (=Ludo/Parcheesi) or Rummy, which is a variation of Romme only with plastic bricks instead of cards. Anyway, here you're in the lucky position that most of the time another player is around,...

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A-Z, U For Unique.

First I went for U for Universe in order to write about my dream/phantasy world versus the real world. I sat in front of my concept book and no words came out. Obviously it wasn't the right time to think about this topic. So, I decided to chose another catch word: In J for Joker I've mentioned Art Therapy. Today I want to tell you a little more about it. The room was just the way I imagine a place for being creative. Light and open, with lots of space for only a limited group of people. Shelves...

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A-Z, T For Tangram.

Do you know Tangram? A puzzle with just 7 pieces, which can be arranged in countless combinations, from people to animals over objects and houses to simple geometric forms, which are the most difficult by the way! It happens to be that I somehow feel like a Tangram. The pieces are there and familiar, I'm just not sure about the outcome ... What will the final form be? Or is it just like Tangram, that the form is variable? That I am variable, because everything is changing at the moment?...

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A-Z, S For Single.

Frankly speaking I've never given much thought of that single-or-couple-thing. I was most of my life single. Period. I've never doubted this status, I lived my life and was happy just the way it was - with 1% exception on special occasions or holidays like Christmas, where you wished to have someone special. I was always satisfied with just myself... Should I consider it as good or bad sign that I do care now about my status as single?! Or is why does it care at all at the moment the better...

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A-Z, R For Reputation.

Why is it so important what others think of me? How (if so) do I explain where I currently am and what's going on with me? Why can I accept on others that depressions are an illness? Why do I think that my own depression is nothing but my own weakness, my own fault, the result of being unable to live my life? btw: I should have used them for the letter Q - these are a lot of questions! And another one: Why do we set different standards on others than on ourselves? - I don't know. I do. And...

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A-Z, Q For Question.

K/C childish, knight, cat owner, communicative A artist, author, adventurer, afraid R realist, reader I individuum, idealistic, intelligent, India fan, ironic N narrator, nice E egoist, empath I integer, intrepidly, interesting/interested D dreamer, different, diplomatic, depressive E energetic, extraordinary, enthusiastic, erratic R rider, real, riddler, romantic And think about it: ...a lots mo...

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A-Z, P For Pain.

Choosing between numbness and a good emotion is easy. But what if the choice is between the well-known, familiar and above all secure numbness, feeling nothing in the foggy darkness and an unknown emotion, that makes you cry, that gives you nothing but psychical pain? In the last couple of days I made the strange experience that my heart would prefer the loneliness, prefers feeling nothing instead of the pain, even when my mind says that's ridiculous! To make the long story short: I needed...

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O For Omnipotence.

My dear friend from Malaysia and I play at the end of every email the 5 Questions Game. You are allowed to ask 5 questions, but have also to answer them. We're playing quite a long time now and reached the status of really interesting questions. This time I asked among others: "If you had the chance to ask God one question - what would it be and why?" Frankly speaking I don't care much about this overall discussions "Why are we here?" or "What is the sense of life?". For those I dare to say...

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A-Z, N For Necessities.

Well, I daresay it's not the first time (nor the last) I let myself influence by some music ... when I thought of suitable N-words, suddenly Baloo's Bare Necessities (form Dschungle Book) popped in my head: Look for the bare necessities The simple bare necessities Forget about your worries and your strife I mean the bare necessities Old Mother Nature's recipes That brings the bare necessities of life Necessities in the normal world: In J for Joker I reported from my life here in the...

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A-Z, M For Masquerade.

First I thought K, L and M would become a theme-trio, but I'm thinking brain and heart do well enough with K for Knight and L for Lost, even when Masquerade is more or less a consequence of both of them. We all play different roles in our lifes. I am ... a daughter, a friend (maybe even a foe, at least a competitor), a private person, a business woman, a writer/Art Journaler/blogger ... and currently a patient. My most contradictive rolesa are at the moment my business me and my patient me. Let's...

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A-Z, L For Lost.

'Cause you are not alone I'm always there with you  And we'll get lost together  'Til the light comes pouring through  'Cause when you feel like you're done  And the darkness has won Babe, you're not lost  When your world's crashing down And you can't bear the thought  I said, babe, you're not lost  From 'Lost' by Michael Buble After 'Something Beautiful' by Robbie Williams and 'Help' by The Beatles for Art Journaling pages this is now the third...

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A-Z, K For Knight.

First I voted for 'Knowledge', which would have also suited. But I wasn't really satisfied with it. Above all, I had it already used in our February Journaling Challenge. And then this little word came so perfectly! Remember in I for Individuum - Community I mentioned that a Rorschach test was made with me. And in one of the last pictures I saw a knight - or better said a Samurai in his armor. I asked the therapist, if I could have a copy of the picture (plus a second one, which also meant...

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A-Z, J For Joker.

Besides a few other good J-words I decided to use the joker today in order to tell you a little of the facility I currently am. The clinic is located in the south-east of Germany, about a 40 min freeway drive away from my home. To airport Munich you'd need another hour freeway drive. I've added you a Google Map picture of the clinic's location. As you can see on this map the clinic is rather big. It contains Psychiatry, Psychotheraphy, Forensic Psychiatry, Neurology and Neurological Early...

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A-Z, I For Individuum - Community.

Well, where should I start ... what should I say without repeating myself ... what to say without beginning to chatter ... what to say at all? I have an idea in mind, but no line of thought. Maybe I give it some time to develop... A bit later now: I define myself as individuum with my very own, very unique, very special combination of strengths and weaknesses, talents and beliefs, interests and ... (good thought of my fellow patient) ... also looks. Frankly speaking, I blend out that last part...

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A-Z, H For Help.

'I solemly swear that I'm up to no good!' For little Karin the Weasley twins' motto would have also perfectly suited. The combination of a strong will, stubbornness and wild creativity lead me more than once into embarrassing and/or strange situations. To tame her little tomboy my mother gave some responsibility in my own little hands. For instance, when I was about 8 or 9 I insisted to stay up longer than usual in order to watch something on TV or to play longer outside. Finally my mother was...

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A-Z, G For Genes.

It's all in the genes, is that really so? Just finished 'Next' by Michael Crichton, an interesting book about gene-technology. It made me - with view of my current situation - curious to do a little Wikipedia research. Well, I know some cases of cancer and heart diseases in my family, so according to the gene-theory in my family history I could be at least predistinated for those ... but I haven't heard a single word about depressions. This either means there weren't any or they simply didn't...

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A-Z, F For Final Destination.

When making this A-Z list I jotted down 'Final Destination' in the original sense of the movie series. It simply suited too well in my Apocalypse theme. And currently? No! I hadn't had a vision of upcoming exploding airplanes, car crashes or any other disastrous events. With the consequence that Death isn't waiting for me with his macabre plan to catch me. I won't deny when you're living on the dark side of your life that death is more of a present topic then before ... but like I assured you...

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Genuine Inspiration - A Rush Of Writing.

It's strange in those weird days, somehow my mind seems kind of overproductive. Currently I work on various projects: A-Z Apocalypse.  Dream Diary.  My novel 'Neighborhood Cats: The Secret of the Moonstone'.  ArtJournaling incl. WTJ.  Writing letters to my dearest friends. Actually you can add a No. 6 with extra blogposts like this one here! This time I want to report about a phenomenon I experienced with No. 3 of my list. Last weekend I finished the prologue, how everything...

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Biro Doodles For Creativity.

This is what I do when I need a little break while writing. A few minutes now and then and a biro ... in the end your first and your last concept book pages look like the...

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A-Z, E For Eyes.

When I was done with that picture (08-2007) I named it 'Indian Ocean'. Don't ask why or what for I painted it the way it is - frankly speaking I don't know! But it's pretty obvious that I love the sea and I'm obsessed with eyes, am I not? It's said 'Eyes are the Portal to your Soul.' I totally agree with that. I prefer literally to have an 'eye-to-eye' conversation because very often eyes can tell you so much more than just words or gestures. Or in the other case the eyes don't say anything...

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A-Z, D For Daemon.

First of all, since reading (watching) the book 'Northern Lights' (AKA the movie 'The Golden Compass') by Philip Pullman I like the word 'daemon' and the way it's written. I like the imagination to see my inner spirit in form of an animal walking right next to my side. A friend and I had already discussed what kind of animal our own daemon would be. In my case - and I'm pretty sure about that - it would be a predatory feline, a black panther or an Indian tiger or a snow leopard maybe. Anyway,...

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A-Z, C For Captivity.

Frankly speaking, I've never experienced true captivity in the meaning of imprisonment. And being grounded as a teenager can't hardly be counted herein, right folks? Okay, I've seen a few documentaries but I won't neither discuss nor play down how harsh, cruel even violent life behind bars can be. I just dare to make a few simple statements: It's always in the person's own responsibility to be punished, no matter what reason for. The freedom is only a matter of time and/or a good lawyer and/or...

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A-Z, B For Bucket List.

It fills me with guilt to know that some of my friends were and still are worried - totally with justice. Shame on me! But you know, even in my darkest hours there was always that little light ... no, not light! Light would be the wrong word. Too exaggeratedly! Let's better call it ... hmm, let me think ... I guess I like 'glimmer'. There was that glimmer of the wish to hope that maybe one day - and I don't know, when exactly this day might be - the light will have returned and the sun will...

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A-Z, A For Apocalypse.

21 December 2012 - due day for the apocalypse according to the Mayan Calendar. Very visually dynamic shown what could/should/would happen then in Roland Emmerich's movie '2012'. But what if an apocalypse doesn't concern the whole mankind but only one single person - would the impact be more or less worse? And what if this one single person is yourself? Some of you might have heard me saying 'Two Souls are beating in my Chest'. That's true, that's what I am. Actually even by birth. I'm born...

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A-Z Blogging Challenge 2012.

First of all: Sorry for my being absent for quite a while without leaving a note. But now I'm back writing and emailing and blogging. I know, I missed the regular time for the 'A-Z Blogging Challenge 2012', but I really do love this competition very much that I want to do it now. Better late than never, right? When you do something for the first time, you can see it like an experiment, like trying a new tool or gadget. You can put it in your hands, see if it feels good and what you can use it...

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All 30 Writing Questions.

30 Days Of Writing Questions Start this wonderful journey anytime. Answer daily or weekly or whenever you feel inspired. And experience yourself as writer. WQ-01:Tell us about your favorite writing project/universe that you've worked with and why? WQ-02:How many characters do you have? Do you prefer males or females? WQ-03:How do you come up with names, for characters (and for places if you're writing about fictional places)? WQ-04:Tell us about one of your first stories/characters! WQ-05:By...

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Wreck This Journal: Draw Lines While In Motion.

... On The Bus, On Train, While Walking. Well, what should I say? Did what I've been told and added some color and a handful silhouettes! And done! ...

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Some drum rolls, please! I'm so very proud to announce the release of The Old Sofa, third issue of the Rattles Flash Fiction anthology collection! Me and seven other authors expose the secrets hidden in an old sofa, including ghosts of days gone by, help for those in need, and sometimes even special gifts, though the price may be too much to ask. Go ahead, sit down and get comfy. What will the old sofa say to you? Collection includes: Whispers by Carol R. Ward Locking Up by Lisamarie Lamb French...

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Wreck This Journal: Chew On This.

Ladies, who doesn't want to chew an a sexy guy served on a silver plate!?! Yummy! This page is dedicated to Carol! Her series 'Hump Day Hunk' on her blog Random Thoughts was my inspiration for that page. Thanks also for the yummy picture(...

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WQ-30. Final Question.

30 Days Of Writing Questions Final question! Tag someone! And tell us what you like about that person as a writer and/or about one of his/her characters! Actually, I already tag this person or better said link to one of her blogs with that little picture above every time I'm answering one of those Writing Questions. I'm talking about C.R. Ward. You might argue, it's a little unimaginative, but there's more to name her. Both being writers, I currently feel very close to her. She's my beta reader,...

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Wreck This Journal: Place For Your Grocery Lists.

Honestly, I would be completely lost without my grocery lists, I wouldn't bring home half of the goods I need! But WTJ is a whole different area: For myself and my taste I couldn't find a way to make this page at least a little interesting by only using my grocery lists, there's always quite the same written down on them ... so, I used my right for interpretations: Instead of placing a dozen similar looking, boring grocery lists, I made a collage of wrapping papers of goods and groceries I've...

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And I Thought I'm Quite Familiar With That Topic!

For 10 years my two cats Sheela and Amira share my home with me. Sure, my family had cats before, but those two are special. They are my first own pets and it's in my responsibility to take care for them. I was a student back then when they entered my life. A student with boring computer classes and a free internet access. Only logical that I landed sooner or later in a forum discussing all the cats' maters. In about two, maybe three years I left almost 1.000 entries in the Fressnapf Forum. I...

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WQ-29. How Often Do You Think About Writing?

30 Days Of Writing Questions 29. How often do you think about writing? Ever come across something IRL that reminds you of your story/characters? I'm an owl, no early morning bird. So, when my alarm goes off I give myself another 20 minutes snooze time. Not only to wake up properly, but also to remember and reflect my nightly pictures. My dreams are always a wonderful source of inspiration and I want to preserve as much as possible in my dream diary. Now, thinking about it, one reason for my...

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Wreck This Journal: Scrub This Page.

'Scrub here!' Right! Sure, as if a plain eraser would do the job!!! I guess, like everybody else who's done that that page I had to bring the big guns in, in that case I used sandpaper to scrub all the parts away I wanted ... add some lines and draw the left page and voila: sun and mo...

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Does What We Write Limit Our Vocabulary?

I'm currently editing a friend's novel. My focus lies on the story, because as foreign speaker - the story is written in English - I can hardly argue anything on the grammar and vocabulary front. But then in chapter 2 a single, little word has caught my eye and interest: "He made the mistake of looking into her eyes. They were large in her elfin face, pale blue with a thick fringe of lashes, full of emotion that he was unable to keep himself distant from." Elfin - a lovely word in a wonderful...

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